My momma-in-law was staying at our house the other weekend, and she said, "the house is so quiet without Baby G here..." then asked, "sometimes is it nice when G is gone? Kind of like a little break, some alone time?" I didn't hesitate, "No. It's borderline awful... I will never see it as a break or relaxful. I'm complete when I have all my babies." She then hugged me and said I was a good mother. And that's when I realized..
BEING A MOTHER HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BIOLOGY -
I'm not a "step-mom expert".. You won't see me trying to make a business out of it.. But you will see me as the mother of Jaxon, Gracie and Reese. There is no "step" about it.. Gracie is mine as though I cooked her in my tummy for 9 months, just as I did with her big brother and little sister. I understand that she has a biological mother and that I'm the next runner-up. I respect that.. but I don't see it that way, I UNDERSTAND that is the way society has paved it. If I wipe her poopy bum, kiss her "bonks", nurture her mind, feed her tummy, and assure her heart..then dammit she's mine. Because I love her too.
Alone time is something that goes when your children come.. The alone time that I cherish, is when Chris and I put our babies to bed and cuddle on the couch. Or if we are super lucky and get to go on a date.. I have yet to be alone and think it was great.. knowing that my children are somewhere without me, leaves me on edge. So if its errands I'm doing or lunch with friends, I tend to rush things..to hurry home to where my time counts.
Sadly there are some rotten step-moms out there.. but there are some rotten bioMom's too.. Sometimes I wish society could lose the terms, "step" and "bio" and simply be moms - "co-mother" if you will. I've learned a lot since I got Gracie.. as I said above, its amazing that I love her like my "home grown" babies. There is no difference in my heart.. I've learned that people parent different, and even though we don't agree with their ideas, you can not change them. I've learned that a step-mom can achieve anything, as long as we don't need the credit. What I haven't learned is to close the door after my daughter has left to begin her time with her bioMom and be okay with it..even though I know she is in good hands - I haven't learned to share her.. but any minute now.
Kar Kar,
ReplyDeleteI came across your blog and will now be blog stalking you! Where has the time gone? You have a new little baby? Jax has grown up so much! Gosh, I miss you! It has been fun reading up on your life and what a great Mommy you are! I would love to keep in touch...maybe even get together sometime. We also have a blog, but it is private. I would love to send you an invite if you would like. Email me at lyndspence@yahoo.com.
Love ya,
Lyndee Lou
Kar -
ReplyDeleteI love this post. My Jos is mine - always has, always will! I get her all the time, Im lucky like that :) I am a step mom, I was adopted, and have met my bio-mom. She will NEVER replace my mother! A mother is someone who loves you, takes care of you, and who is there when you need her. Sassy is lucky to have you.
You're seriously like the most awesomest... Ever, she is SO stinkin' lucky to have you!!
ReplyDeleteAnd now you know how I feel about my kiddos who did not grow in my tummy but grew in my heart! And they know exactly that! I don't need to push a kid out the ole' (you know) to be a mom. In fact, I'm so thankful I didn't or I wouldn't have my 2 little precious gifts from God. I wouldn't trade any of it for a second.
ReplyDelete