The step of putting her back into the clothes her bioMother sent her in, is the beginning of the morning.. she should be in her jammies still like her little sister and playing with toys that were forgotten while dreaming during the night.
The step of taming her crazy curls. The step of cleaning off the drool from her mouth. The step of her saying buh-bye to Reese. The step that has me telling her buh-bye with my kisses. Then its the horrible step of walking up the steps to the door, where her bioMom waits. She always wants "mommy and Reese to go" with her. Yep, do you see the right chamber being pulled from where you're sitting??
However we are extremely lucky. We have 50/50 joint legal custody. That means we have more time than normal dads have..which in the state of Utah is rare. The agreement is 5 days with us, 2 days with her bioMom, back to us for 2 days, 5 days back with bioMom and then returning home for 5 days of her family here. Again all this time we have is rare. Its proof that Chris is a wonderful father and the state of Utah recognized this. But everyone knew and continues to know, that Chris is a wonderful dad. He has been the biggest and most consistent part of Gracie's life since day one.
I constantly worry if Gracie thinks of us or misses us while she is gone, especially during her 5 days away. I know she is fine. But as her momma.. I still.will.always.worry. There isn't a switch that you can flip to just turn off being a mother to one of your children. I worry that when she gets older will she get mad at us for doing family things without her? Will she know that we DO think of her and that we DO miss her in anything we do without her? Will she know that I refuse to take family pictures wherever we are and she's not because I don't want her to think we are complete without her?
This is why I blog. So she knows.
I don't know why but I so loved this post. I can't imagine how hard it is for you to have a Little with you 'round the clock for days and then go for days without her. I would be lost without my Littles, even on my worstest day. She is so lucky to have you. You are a great momma. Keep posting. There is no doubt that she'll know how you feel someday, although I'm confident that she already knows. Love ya.
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